Harlots of the Caribbean Review

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(More customer reviews)Harlots is a typical entry in the Bikini series of soft-core adult flicks; you might have seen it already as Bikini Pirates. (Tricky how they retitle things to get you to buy them twice.) There's no graphic sex here, i.e., no genital close-ups, although it's probably not a film you want to watch with your kid or parents. Plenty of simulated (or maybe not) action, both m/f and f/f, with a little bit of goofy bondage and S&M thrown in for laughs.
The cast includes most Bikini regulars, including Nicole Sheridan and Evan Stone, both playing their typical campy roles: Sheridan is especially cute as the girlfriend of a scuba diver who discovers a lady pirate's journal while diving on a wreck; Stone is the ghostly boyfriend/sidekick of said lady pirate. Both of them return from the watery other side to reclaim the journal, which includes a map leading to treasure they buried two or three hundred years ago. Lunacy and sex ensues.
If you're into hard-core, pass this one by. But if you want a few laughs, good-natured sex, Nicole Sheridan (I love her -- she boosts this three-star pic to four) and company, it's worth a look.

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Ghost in a Teeny Bikini (2006) Review

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(More customer reviews)...but it was late at night and on HBO and no one saw me.
Actually, I've seen several of these movies on latenight HBO. Same cast, same cheap production values, same excuses for sex scenes. The release date for this one was last August so the movie's simulated sex scenes appear a bit more graphic than others (but these aren't the kind of movies you watch from beginning to end, normally, so I don't know if that's true).
But don't get excited: by "more graphic," I mean they're a little closer to a porn movie but still safe enough for HBO.
When I saw the title on my guide, I remembered the final 1960's Beach Party movie, THE GHOST IN THE INVISIBLE BIKINI, an awesomely-horrible Sixties flick that starred Deborah Walley, Nancy Sinatra and Boris Karloff. Was GHOST IN A TEENY BIKINI a parody?
While TEENY BIKINI is a parody of INVISIBLE BIKINI (if you're wondering why characters sing those incredibly lame songs, that's why), this movie is still a lame latenight HBO skin flick. The acting is bad (these are real porn stars, aren't they?), the jokes are horrible, and the movie ends abruplty--like they just ran out of money. All two hundred dollars of it. Where's the heroine in peril scene? Where's the slapstick fights and chase for the finale? Where the heck is Tommy Kirk?
This is what happens when someone sets out to make a parody of an awful movie...and ends up making something worse. But with hot naked chicks in it.
What kind of scale could anyone possibly use for this?
It is what it is.


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