Caligula II - Messalina, Messalina Review

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(More customer reviews)This film is not a sequel to the famous Guccione "Caligula" with Malcolm McDowell etc. It is not even a real sequel to the "Caligula" with Laura Gesmer and David Haughton (ASIN: 6303364438), which is released on video and DVD by the same company. The only connection is that they use the same sets! Caligula is not even in this movie!
This film follows the stories of the Emperor Claudius, trying to run the empire while passing gas (on doctor's orders) all the time and hopelessly in love with his wife, the Empress Messalina, who is having sex every man in Rome except her husband, a traveller who has come to rome looking for a good time, and a Roman con-man. There are several funny scenes involving sexual situations, such as the con-man convincing the traveller that a Christian's home is a brothel, and the Empress, disguised as a prostitute, attempting to act out every sexual position illustrated in pictures on the wall ("do them all and it's free...wait, I think you missed one...well, we'll just have to start over..."). It all ends in a comedic bloodbath when Claudius comes home early and finds an orgy in the palace.
For all it's eroticism, this is not a "porno" flick, in that it is not just about sex for sex's sake. It's a sex comedy, where most of the humor involves sex or sexual situations. It is also a historical farce, satirizing the Roman Empire and other Roman Empire movies. It's funny both for the comedy, and for how "bad" this movie is. It is badly dubbed, badly acted and the effects are really cheezy. Not a timeless masterpiece, but somewhat amusing.

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The Eagle (2010) Review

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(More customer reviews)Back in the early second century, the Ninth Legion disappeared from history. The current going theory is that they were wiped out in combat in the Eastern Provinces, but there's also a theory that they were destroyed fighting the Picts in what is now called Scotland. That's the jumping-off point for The Eagle, a rather lightweight sword and sandals film staring Channing Tatum and Jamie Bell.
Tatum plays Marcus Flavius Aquila, son of the commander of the Ninth Legion. He's gone into the army himself and worked hard to get sent to Britannia, where he hopes to not only recover his father's honor, but also that of the Legion and to recover it's beloved standard; a gold eagle. The Roman legions fetishized their eagles (or "aquila", a word suspiciously similiar to the last name of our hero), to an impressive degree. Better in many ways to lose every man in your legion than to lose your standard.
Anyhow, young Marcus gets to Britannia, takes command of a legion, promptly gets injured and drummed out of the service, then acquires Esca (Jamie Bell), a young slave. He eventually hatches a plan to find the Eagle and along with Esca, heads north into darkest Caledonia. Along the way the two fight, bond and generally have an interesting time of it.
I really enjoyed this movie. It was entertaining, well-done and well-paced. Several of the plot twists were telegraphed well in advance, including the biggest one, which was shown to us in the trailers. But that minor complaint aside, it was good. The historical accuracy was decent (though some of the tactics the Romans employ made me roll my eyes. Where's your pila, boys?), and anytime I see a movie with Romans not using stirrups I get a least a bit happy. Plus it was cool hearing the Picts speaking Gaelic. Yes, it wasn't Pictish, but it was the best they could do, and at least it wasn't the Pictsies. Also, the acting was quite decent, and Channing Tatum seems to have done a good job of redeeming himself after some of his other works.
This is minor escapist fare. It's nothing great, but it is pretty fun and on the whole there's certainly far worse ways to spend a couple hours.

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In 140 ad twenty years after the unexplained disappearance of the entire ninth legion in the mountains of scotland young centurion marcus aquila arrives from rome to solve the mystery and restore the reputation of his father the commander of the ninth.Studio: Uni Dist Corp. (mca)Release Date: 06/21/2011Starring: Channing TatumRun time: 114 minutesRating: Pg13Director: Kevin Macdonald

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