SPACE TRANSFORMERS Review

SPACE TRANSFORMERS
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This movie is so unbelievably bad, it's not even up to lackluster dollar-store direct-to-video standards. First of all, even the DVD cover lies to you twice:
1) The movie is called "Space Transformer" (No "s" at the end.) The title is painfully generic, with no originality or eye-catching qualities whatsoever. It was probably a working title that the producers of the movie didn't even bother to change prior to the release.
2) There isn't a single character who looks anything like the characters on the front cover. Even the picture quality is junk with a 4:3 aspect ratio at 480p, a typical quality of a stander video tape.
The plot is so idiotic that it's no wonder that this movie is in the public domain. On the surface, the concept seems to be a blantant rip-off of "The Transformers." However, there are large spans of time in which there aren't any robots that you could like, and very little of the plot has anything to do with space, either. The plot is perfectly nonsensical, with very little clarity (If any at all,) and plot holes that are so large, even Unicron could pass through them with ease. The dialogue is as slapdash as the writing, with all the dullness and boredom of reading a tax form. Some scenes are perfectly pointless, and combine to form a 77 minute pointless moment. The dialogue makes conversations with your co-workers at the water cooler sound riveting and memorable. I can't remember a single line form this movie, and I watched it just a few hours before writing this review. What action is there here? Almost none. If you're expecting to see even 10 minutes of robot on robot battles, then you're in for a major league disappointment.
The characters are bland, one-dimensional, undeveloped and easily forgettable. A few characters are completely forgotten even by the film itself, with the fates and even the purpose of at least a couple of characters perpetually shrouded in mystery. Almost every line delivered by a character in this movie makes Tommy Wiseau's "The Room" look like "Citizen Kane."
The animation is as bad as what you might expect from the public domain cartoons that you might remember from elementary school. The colors of a few shots are subjected to accidental filters of numerous colors. The acting on the characters are as boring and limp-wristed as the dialogue. The backgrounds are just as flawed, with obviously cycled and/or reused footage that makes Hanna Barbera look like "Avatar."
There's very little music in this movie, even during the action scenes. Plus, the music's just as forgettable as the rest of this so-called "film."
Overall, the movie is so bad that I don't think that this would pass as adequate entertainment even to kids under the age of 5. It's a movie that even at it's best is at least several times worse than Michael Bay's "Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen" at its worst. It's so horrible that it's not even likeable in an ironic way like watching "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." If you ever see this DVD at your local department store, buy every copy that you can find and destroy them when you get home. Trust me, don't even bother opening the package, just destroy them. You'll be doing the human race a favor to shield them from a movie that's this deplorably bad.

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