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(More customer reviews)We've all done this. We drag our sorry butts out of bed at the crack of dawn to go to work, only to see our pet dog or cat peacefully snoozing away. "Who's the higher life form?" we mutter to ourselves. I felt the same way as I was watching "The Vampire's Seduction." While my partners and I spend hours arguing over the nuances of where to put a comma in our latest screenplay, I watch this shamelessly ad-libbed and utterly mindless lesbian teaser and wonder just who are the more intelligent filmmakers. Tina Krause is Dracula's Daughter, a stunning vampiress who spends her evenings cavorting topless in a smoke machine-enhanced forest. In what has to be the thinnest of plot devices ever, she coerces Wally Van Helsing, a bumbling geek and great-great grandson of the legendary vampire hunter, into seeking out gorgeous lesbians and bringing them back to her. Wally does a great job of finding them and watching as they fondle, grope, suckle and kiss in nearly naked splendor, but never once does he bring his prey back to his Mistress. Instead, he gives her a sandwich laced with garlic salt and she dies. The end.
Yes, it was absolutely as dumb as it sounds. But, and more importantly, the skin quotient is A) high and B) pretty damned steamy. There's a threesome scene, for example, which never goes beyond the topless stage, but it's far sweatier than the most explicit of hardcore tapes. "The Vampire's Seduction" contains no real horror or gothic element to speak of, its title notwithstanding. It's really pretty much just a teaser tape with humor that's dorky at best and irritating at worst. Still, I have to admit that if you know what you're getting, and now you do, this one was kinda yummy.
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