Six Against the Rock Review

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(More customer reviews)As a long time follower of Alcatraz and its history, to say that I found this film dissapointing is an understatement. Is heavily influenced by the same titled (and vastly superior) book by Clark Howard.
The story itself centers around six individuals, but mainly Kentucky bank robber Bernard "Bernie" Coy - David Carradine trying his best to drag above a painfully wooden script loaded with the worst of B action movie cliche lines. Coy spent years working on the weaknesses of Alcatraz, arguably the most infamous prison in history - only to find out that the only area not heavily enforced was the main guards' cage, complete with cellblock keys and armaments! He creates an elaborate escape attempt relying on the help of Marvin Hubbard (David Morse in the film's best performance), Joe Cretzer (Howard Hesseman in by far and away the worst), "Buddy" Thompson (Jan-Michael Vincent), Sam Shockley (Charles Haid), and the only survivor of the whole thing - "Dan Durando" (really Clarence Carnes, his name was kept quiet originally, being a witness and all) and in May of 1946 they went to work.
The crux of the film arrives when the plot goes horribly awry due to a misplaced key and jammed lock. As things get more desperate the cons turn on each other, with the exception of Coy and Hubbard, who were friends to start with. Cellhouse guards are injured and killed, prompting the arrival of the Marines, among others. It is during this point that the film's biggest flaws really show - aforementioned script, a score that consists of chains clanking and a mechanical "ugh" for emphasis, numerous historical and continuity problems too lengthy to mention (not that I'm a purist, they were just that bad), and the persistent bugger that apparently in all of Alcatraz the only prisoners are our lot and Robert Stroud, the "Birdman" (Dennis Farina, in a role much more dramatic and key in reality) as cons run down empty cellblocks that previously had random hands sticking out to and fro all over. Without giving away the ultimate ending, things don't fare too well. And neither does the film, shot on location with some incredible views in that aspect. It comes across as a really low grade B movie, such a sad thing considering what happened and how the film could have been made with better attention to detail - and casting somebody, anybody other than Howard Hesseman. Persons not familiar with the "crashout" as it was called might find it interesting as a springboard in to better things. Folks interested in a better popcorn film (as this is intended to be on some levels) can check out David Morse yet again in "The Rock" or that Clint Eastwood perrenial "Escape from Alcatraz." Just don't bother with this.


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Naked in My Room - Skye Come Play with Me Review

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(More customer reviews)I'm fairly unimpressed with this dvd. Skye, the young lady featured on the cover, has maybe a 6 minute scene shot looking fairly 2002ish (the quality of the camera shot, not the actual time-frame.) Two other models not shown are also featured: Alyse and Bella Valentine. Their scenes were also quite non-spectacular. Bella Valentine is a more "endowed" Italian woman and Alyse is your typical redhead-ish American female. The annoying thing for me that was common to all the shoots were the constant 5-second cycle shots where you would have 1 slow-moving angle, fade-out, and then fade-in with another angle for another 5 seconds - which keeps nauseatingly looping until the end of the shot. Alyse's entire shot was over-saturated with a red filter.
The models also have 1 on 1 clothed interviews which were actually more interesting than the main "attraction." However, Skye's interview deserved no more than 0.25 points out of a possible 10. All of her answers were mumbled and vague, plus she was looking down and filling out paperwork - barely even paying attention to the interviewer! One of the questions posed to her was "what is your favorite drink," to which she replied with "Mountain Dew" - explaining much to the quality of her teeth.
Skye is around 18 years of age and the other 2 models are clearly over 18. Skye has a lower-back rope/butterfly-looking tattoo and also spotty acne scars on her face - which isn't apparent on the cover due to a somewhat deceptive airbrushed shoppy-looking high contrast image.
To the other reviewer who called this "art," I would say this would more fit the description of "erotic nudity" - which still is a definite long shot from actual "pornography." I came to the conclusion of "erotic nudity" because of the type of shots used (5-second fade outs and ALSO some occasional zoomed female "parts" line-in-frame views), which would definitely NOT go down well if the context of the dvd was "artsy [family-implied] nudism." Plus the interview questions also had something to do with it as well. Questions like "What kind of things do you like in a man," and "What makes a woman 'sexy'," were common in all of the interviews.
In any case, I simply cannot recommend the dvd to anyone, especially at the $20 price point. Save your money and thanks for reading.

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Bitch Slap (Unrated Edition) (2009) Review

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(More customer reviews)Oh yes, "Bitch Slap" is everything you think it is. Girls. Guns. Catfights. Explosions. Lesbian romances. A story of bad guys, booty, alliances, betrayals, and secrets. It's being billed as, "a post-modern, thinking man's throwback to the B movie/exploitation films of the 1950s - 70s," but the truth is it gives us little to think about, and I'm hard pressed to say that it reexamines modern assumptions of culture, identity, and language. It does, however, open with a Joseph Conrad quote: "The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness." We see the word "men" and automatically think it's a blatant anti-male message. But by the end of the film, it's made abundantly clear that women are just capable of being wicked. Equality through evil. Funny.
This movie is irredeemably enjoyable, preposterous in both its story and its characters yet magnetic as a satire disguised as a schlocky male fantasy. It tells the story of three bad girls, all smoking hot, who find themselves in a plot to extort diamonds and weapons from an underworld kingpin, whose identity is a secret. The redhead is Hel, presumably short for Helen (Erin Cummings); she seems to be the leader of the group, tough but levelheaded, able to see the big picture and plan accordingly. The blonde is Camero (America Olivo), an oversexed hothead who's on medication. She's one of those people that hates everyone and is mad about everything, and has the dialogue to prove it. The brunette is a stripper named Trixie (Julia Voth), always upset, always overwhelmed, always wanting to play by the rules.
Every opportunity is taken to flaunt their feminine assets, and boy, do they have them - a basic shot is a slow-motion close-up of heaving breasts and deep cleavage, although some time is set aside for bare legs. There's never a moment when they aren't wearing high heels or don't have makeup painted on their faces. And then there are times when they pause to do a little manual labor, such as digging in the middle of the desert. My, but it's burning hot, and ... is that a bucket of water sitting there? Maybe they should splash each other playfully in order to stay cool. Things will heat back up later on, when Trixie and Hel discover that their feelings for one another are deeper than they first imagined. That's about when the situation goes completely out of control. Loyalties change. Identities are revealed. People get shot. Things blow up. And did I mention the catfights?
Intertwined with this is a ridiculous but somehow appropriate subplot about a notorious criminal known only as Pinky, never dealt with directly and never seen but fabled to be the most dangerous criminal mastermind who ever lived. When Trixie innocently brings up the subject, Hel and Camero speak in the same tones as someone telling a ghost story around a campfire. "Many believe Pinky's a phantom," says Camero. "Others think he sold his soul to the devil. I think he IS the devil." Maybe so; a flashback sequence shows a silhouetted figure going nuts with what appear to be samurai swords, used to decapitate people left and right. Do we ever discover what Pinky looks like? With such gorgeous women displayed on the big screen, can you honestly say that you care?
When this movie is not going out of its way to be sexy, then it's being incredibly goofy. Take Olivo, for example; the angrier she gets, the funnier she becomes, not only because she spews unbelievably inane profanity, but also because her character is the most aggressive. And just wait until you hear of her tryst with a sideshow contortionist. Let's also consider the director, Rick Jacobson; he's currently at work on the new "Spartacus: Blood and Sand" television series and has been involved with "She Spies," "Cleopatra 2525," "Batwatch," "La Femme Nikita," "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys," and "Xena: Warrior Princess." The last two are noteworthy because Kevin Sorbo, Lucy Lawless, and Renée O'Connor all have cameos in "Bitch Slap." Or maybe they aren't noteworthy at all. Whatever.
This movie is, essentially, a cross between an erotic photo shoot and a silly crime caper, one that has been fed into a low-tech special effects mill. And I suppose that's why I had fun watching it. While I ultimately have no good reason for recommending it, you have to admit, there is something infectious about a movie that actively tries to be bad. I'm reminded of an often repeated Pauline Kael quote: "Movies are so rarely great art that if we cannot appreciate great trash, we have very little reason to be interested in them." "Bitch Slap" is, indeed, great trash, projected up on the screen in all its violent, foulmouthed, double-D glory. Fellas, this is your lucky day.

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